Alien like puke ...

When a toddler or a baby gets sick, gets a bug, convulsively pukes all down themselves it really is a site to see.  Collectively within an hour I have watched three episodes of just this ... small child spewing unknown sticky clumpy rotten smelling substance from mouth down themselves.

Charlie twice at the table.  Max IN MY BED(S&%^).

First of all, you have to let them finish.  They're starting to cry because they have no frickin' clue what is happening to them.  It burns their throats and their noses because ofcourse it is coming from both places.  They thrash about.  They make "that facial expression" as though they have tasted something bad or sour, you know the one.  The substance gathers down their fronts in smelly bumpy runny snot consistency.  Meanwhile you are cooing and ahhing in your most sympathetic manner, without puking yourself from the sight and smell.

Second of all, you must gather them up in your arms and get them cleaned up.  So, while still cooing and ahhing, you walk quickly as not to upset them more, most likely with outstretched arms(no reason your clothes should suffer) to the nearest sink or bath tub and strip them down.  Now they're freezing and screaming.  Wash them down and wrap them up in a towel.  Your smartass two year old might be thinking or even telling you it's not bath time.  No s*%& Sherlock.  Dressed again.

Third, they're miraculously fine again and are ready to run around the house.  WTF?  When I got the flu, it was puke, go back to bed, rest.  My children decide this is the time to test their Olympic gymnastic skills on my furniture.  It's like morning sickness.  Get sick ... all better.

And lastly, when a small child gets sick, they're going to be sick WHEREVER THEY ARE AT THAT TIME.  Your normally well-mannered child will not excuse themselves to the bathroom, shut the door, and aim perfectly into the toilet when they must be sick.  They are going to be sick when that unknown said substance is forcing its way up their small little throat; in your bed, down your front, their high chair, living room carpet, or car seat.

We can't expect much from them.  They have no clue what is happening.  This will be Charlie's first bout with a bug, Max's second.  And they're being champs.

Just have a collection of old t-shirts and carpet cleaner and pray you don't get the bug the next day.  But if you do, you will be expected to make it to the toilet.

August 10th, 2012